The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: The Rick Rolled Edition

You are welcome. Try to get that out of your head....

For that matter, try and get the idea that the SEC may still get two of your College Football playoff berths out of your heads too.

Because it's probably going to happen. And there are going to be a lot of people who aren't going to be happy about it.



So, yeah, we're feeling musical as we look ahead to the week before Thanksgiving and the last chance for all of college football to make a statement.

Looking back at last week--7-2. Lots of BYE weeks. Oh, and we picked 'Bama, FSU and UGA to win. Not everyone did that. Makes us 113-29 on the season. Deal wit dat bitches!

But enough about me, it's time as the legendary Casey Kasem once said to get "On With the Countdown"...

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) FSU 10-0. Yep, we put the Seminoles, as much as we despise everything they stand for, at #1. They are undefeated, they haven't lost in 2 seasons. And because of that, they get to be #1.

Tell 'em Naitch:



This Week: vs. Boston College, Our Pick: FSU 43, BC 21

2) Alabama 9-1. Is this the best team like our CFB Playoff Committee says? Yeah, probably. But they lost a game this season. And to us, that matters. They've been dissed most of the season, but the Tide has gotten better every week. This Week: (CUPCAKE) vs. Western Carolina, Our Pick: Bama 47, WCU 10

3) Oregon 9-1. Quack, quack. Best front runners in the biz. They ran away from Utah after the goal line fumble and never looked back. When you've got Marcus Mariota, that can happen. Still not sold on them as a title team, but yeah, they'll probably be a Final 4 team. This Week: vs. Colorado, Our Pick: Oregon 47, Colorado 27

4) TCU 9-1. A Gary Patterson brain fart away from perfection. Sure, they're a Big 12 team with a ton of offense and very little defense. But that doesn't seem to matter these days. Trevone Boykin is awesome, and awesome will get you a shot at the title belt. This Week: BYE

5) Mississippi St. 9-1. The Bulldogs made a run at Bama after being dominated in the 1st half. But they shot themselves in the foot when it counted. Still, this is a pretty good team and Dak Prescott, yeah, he's pretty good too. They will probably end up in the playoff over TCU, but we don't agree with that. Just our opinion. This Week: vs. Vandy, Our Pick: Miss St. 35, Vandy 13

6) Ohio St. 9-1. We stick by our statement the Bucks are the most improved team in College Football over the course of the season. It mirror's J.T Barrett's growth. Are they Playoff contenders. Maybe not. But I wouldn't want to play them to find out. They are the kings of the Big 10 though. This Week: vs. Indiana, Our Pick: tOSU 37, Indiana 27

7) Baylor 9-1. Yes, we know, they beat TCU. But they lost badly to an ok West Va. team. And the schedule, outside the TCU and Oklahoma wins is oh, so soft. But they keep putting up big numbers every week and absolutely humiliated the Sooners in Norman. Which counts for something. This Week: vs. Oklahoma St., Our Pick: Baylor 51, Okie State 21

8) UCLA 8-2. Here's where things get dicey. The Bruins have been thoroughly unimpressive for the most part, but they are still very dangerous. They've gotten better each week. And they have Brett Hundley which counts for something. This Week: vs. USC, Our Pick: UCLA 37, USC 31

9) Ole Miss 8-2. The Rebs have lost the last 2 games that have counted. The offense may have gotten on track during their practice game vs. Presbyterian last week though. Injuries have decimated this team, but enough talent remains to cause havoc for others. This Week: at Arkansas, Our Pick: Ark 29, Ole Miss 23 UPSET!!!

10) Georgia 8-2. Their own worst enemies. But hey, they put together quite a game, totally dominating a good Auburn team last week. When the 'Dawgs' are on, they are dangerous good, when they remember who they are, they have a tendency to gag. Rather badly. And no, they won't miss Todd Gurley.  This Week: vs. Charleston Southern (Cupcake), Our Pick: UGA 51, Charleston Southern 10

11) Wisconisn 8-2. Any team featuring Melvin Gordon is going to be good. And dangerous. This is a very typical Wisconsin team, big, strong and outside Mr. Gordon, very slow. In other words a Big 10 team. They lost 2 close games, otherwise we'd be talking playoff team here. This Week: at Iowa, Our Pick: Wisconsin 47, Iowa 21.

12) Kansas St. 7-2. Never great, always good. Jake Waters has carried them, statistically they shouldn't be this good, yet they are. Though we thought they'd give TCU a better fight then they did. This Week: at West Va., Our Pick: West Va. 41, K-State 33

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:



Yeah...congrats to Troy, who won their 3rd game and moved out of our poll. While they've been bad, we are happy they've been able to graduate to mediocrity, it's a big improvement. We are quite sure SMU has the Toilet Bowl title wrapped up, but Georgia State is giving them a run for their money.

Enough of that...

5) Tulsa 2-8. Didn't this used to be a dangerous team to play. Oh, wait, that was back in the 1990's, never mind. But hey, they did beat SMU, so they season wasn't a total loss. Okay, maybe it was. This Week: at Houston, Our Pick: Houston 53, Tulsa 31

4) Kent State 1-9. What is this? Their game this week has been delayed by snow? It's never a good sign when you have to go somewhere where the snow total has outscored you too. Maybe the Golden Flashes should just tell the MAC to skip it? This Week at Buffalo (maybe), Our Pick: Buffalo/Lake Effect Snow 12 Feet, Kent St 3

3) Idaho 1-9. Fear not potato fans, the season is almost...mercifully over. Sure, you haven't been "blown out" by anyone and you won a game. But it was vs. New Mexico St. Look at it this way, you aren't in Buffalo (snow). This Week: BYE

2) Georgia St. 1-9. Two successes this year. 1) They won a game. 2) They lead the nation in worst rushing attack and worst rushing defense. Not easy to do. No, we won't post a Jeopardy video here. Though we did think about it. Anyway. This Week: at Clemson (really?), Our Pick: Clemson 30 daily doubles, Ga. State 5 daily doubles (think about it)

1) SMU 0-9. Wow! The ponies almost beat South Florida. Almost. Though rumor has it, it's not that big of an accomplishment anymore. But hey, near victory!



Haha! Yeah, we referenced Johnny Drama. The Mustangs continue the march to the Toilet bowl with another Florida team. This Week: at UCF, Our Pick: UCF 37, SMU 10

Victory!

Here's something new to get rid of the Rick Roll we threw on you to start this...

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Run Joey Run

You have no idea what song this is---it's from the mid 1970's...



And it describes the bizarreness that is this week in College Football in a way we can't as the polls confuse us and the College Football Playoff rankings make us say:



Because of course it does...

Alas, there are only 3 weeks or so left before any of this rankings madness means anything, but that isn't stopping the arguments.

Especially if you are a fan of TCU or Baylor.

And SEC fans, be worried. Be very worried. Depending on the next few weeks, you might find yourselves locked out of the CFP. Not because the teams are bad, but because they've Walking Dead cannibalized themselves...

But enough of that. Last Week we were 9-4 (thank god we picked Az. St to beat Notre Dame), which puts us at 106-27 on the season, which ain't half bad.

But enough about us...as the legend himself Casey Kasem (RIP) once said; "On with the Countdown"

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Mississippi State. 9-0. D-Day. Moment of reckoning, time to find out if the dream continues. Last weeks practice game was a good tuneup for this one. Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Tall task for anyone. And with the pass defense not improving, we have our doubts.



This Week: at Alabama, Our Pick: Bama 37, Miss St. 36 UPSET!!!!! And game of the Year...

2) Florida St. 9-0. Still undefeated. And don't buy the hype that the Noles will lose. They aren't great, but they are much better than anyone else in the ACC. The week off will help, a lot. They aren't stellar at anything, but they are pretty good at everything. This Week: at Miami, Our Pick: FSU 41, Miami 23

3) Alabama 8-1. Folks, when the dust clears, this may very well be your championship team. They are much better than you think. Not perfect, but nobody this year is. With the defense they have and Amari Cooper, they will always have a chance to win. Don't buy that Blake Sims isn't prime time ready. He'll step up this week. This Week: See #1

4) TCU 8-1. Still don't think Trevone Boykin isn't one of the best players in College Football? Well, then you haven't watched the Frogs play. He's impressive. Odd seeing a Gary Patterson team living on offense not defense, but hey, they do play in the Big 12. The path is clear from here. This Week: at Kansas. Our Pick: TCU 48, Kansas 13

5) Oregon 9-1. Good win vs. Utah. But I still don't buy into these guys. They've yet to prove they won't fold under pressure or when losing. And the pass D isn't any better than Mississippi State's. Plus they are banged up. But they'll coast to the Pac 12 title game. This Week: BYE

6) Ohio St. 8-1. The most improved team of the season. As J.T Barnett has learned, the Bucks have gotten monumentally better. And last weeks win at Michigan State proved it. They aren't perfect and the loss to Va.Tech still hurts perception, but this could be a playoff team. This Week: at Minnesota, Our Pick: tOSU 37, Minnesota 33

7) Baylor 8-1. Sorry, we still don't love this team. They are very good. But not great. If not for Gary Patterson's brain fart, they lose to TCU. The West Va. loss was a bad one. Sure, they pounded Oklahoma, but the Sooners were overrated too. The path is clear, can they stay clean? This Week: BYE

8) Arizona St. 8-1. Yup, Arizona State. A very good team that annihilated Notre Dame. Somehow, they let UCLA slaughter them, but they've done enough to win every other game. They've been good not great, but the path is clear. Win out and it's Oregon for the Pac 12 title and likely playoff berth. This Week: at Oregon St., Our Pick: Az St 41, Oregon St 21

9) Auburn 7-2. No, the Tigers have no real excuse for losing to Texas A&M other than their defense sucks. Still, we never thought they'd go down at home to a team they should easily have beaten. Except maybe they aren't as good as we thought? Or they are...This Week: at Georgia, Our Pick: Georgia 53, Auburn 49 UPSET!!

10) Nebraska 8-1. Yes, Nebraska. They only have one loss folks. Really. Yeah, sure, we know, they play in the Big 10. But they are tough. And you don't hear them whining about Bo Pelini anymore. Plus they get Ameer Abdullah back this week and he's good. Very good. This Week: at Wisconsin, Our Pick: Huskers 31, Wisconsin 21

11) Ole Miss 8-2. So they stopped the bleeding with a practice gm. vs. Presbyterian. Good for them. The Rebels are pretty banged up, but still dangerous. But they go as Bo Wallace goes...and nobody knows how Bo Wallace goes until Bo Wallace plays. So there's that. This Week: BYE

12) Georgia 7-2. They get back in the poll cause Todd Gurley is back. Really though, we should nickname this team The Brain Farts. They always do something to keep them from being all they could be. When thinking, they are very good, When not, there's the Florida game. This Week: See #9.

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:



Okay, so it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that SMU is our Toilet Bowl champs this year, though Georgia State is giving them a late run for their money. Thank god the two teams don't play, all 500 that would show up would need to have their eyes fixed afterwards....

5) Troy 2-8. Trojan man for the win! Yay Troy...Oh, wait, you played Ga. State last week? Well, someone had to win. That might not be enough to get out off the list. Sorry. But you still have a chance. This Week: at Idaho, Our Pick: Troy 38, Idaho 27

4) Idaho 1-8. So, the good news is nobody has blown you out. The bad news is outside beating crappy New Mexico State, you've lost all your other games. Which is why you reside here. And unfortunately, you may not be leaving. This Week: See #5

3) Kent State 1-9. Hey, at least you've scored 20 points in each of the past 2 games. Okay, so you lost both of them. But you did beat Army, though nobody is sure how. No, the Flashes aren't the worst team in CFB, but they are pretty close. This Week: Already played....and lost

2) Georgia State 1-9. Oh, pity the poor Panthers, one win the past 2 seasons. Unfortunately, they are the poster child for moving to Division 1 before being ready. And now they pay the price. Trent Miles is a good coach, but it will be several yrs before they'll be competitive. This Week: BYE

1) SMU 0-8. Wow, the Mustangs don't end the season til December 6th. 3 more wks of agony and suckage. But hey, the briefly had the lead vs. a crappy Tulsa team and scored 28 in a loss. Baby steps guys, baby steps. This Week: vs. South Florida, Our Pick: USF 31, SMU 13

Enjoy your song of the Week:

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Truth!

And the truth is, we've hit the College Football Playoff rankings time.

Let's just say, the way overhyped first edition left more than a few observers scratching their collective heads.

Okay, maybe not all of us.

Our point is; that's not going to be how they finish. No way. Too many rivalry games. All the SEC West teams still play one another. And TCU still has to play Kansas State.

A lot of things will change. Trust us. Things in college football always change.



Haha! Enjoy your cheesy 1980's video---

Us, we're moving on. Mostly because there's some bragging to be done here....

11-2 last week. Not bad. We've been pretty consistent this season. Consistently good that is!....Haha!

No, seriously, the 11-2 mark makes us 89-18 on the season and while not perfect, it is pretty damn impressive...

But enough about me. It's time to get "On with the Countdown"...

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Florida State 7-0. Still don't like them. Still hope they lose. But not seeing it. Jimbo Fisher is a moron who thinks the SEC and ESPN is ganging up on him. Ha! You really are stupid Jimbo. You don't get it. It's not, nor has it ever been about you. But...they still are the defending champs and as the Nature Boy always says;



And that ain't happening. This Week: at Lousiville, Our Pick: FSU 38, Louisville 31

2) Mississippi State 7-0. Sure, they struggled with a better Kentucky team. But they get credit for surviving the 1st part of their SEC gauntlet. Still have games with Bama and Ole Miss left. Survive that and yeah, you may be the man...This Week: vs. Arkansas, Our Pick: Miss St. 37, Ark. 23

3) Alabama 7-1. Are they back? Did they ever leave? Sure...they coasted after getting a quick lead on Tennessee but nobody can stop Amari Cooper on offense. He and Blake Sims have transformed a once slow motion Tide offense. And that may get them back to the title game. Sigh...This Week: BYE

4) Auburn 7-1. Time to play big boy football there Tigers. You've had a few good breaks this season. The offense has struggled at times. The defense more so. But time to step up. After this week, you still have Georgia and Alabama to deal with. This Week: at Ole Miss, Our Pick: Ole Miss 27, Auburn 23

5) Ole Miss 7-1. Best defense in all the land. And had Bo Wallace not totally brain-farted, the Rebs might still be undefeated. But that's all it takes to change the season. These guys still have a chance to get in the playoff. Win this week and all that's left is the Egg Bowl. This Week: See #4

6) Kansas St. 7-1. The Wildcats are a couple missed field goals from being undefeated. And they are much better than you think. They just quietly go about their business and in the Big 9(12), as long as you play defense you have a shot. They play defense. This Week: vs. Oklahoma St., Our Pick: K-State 38, Okie St. 31

7) Oregon 7-1. The Ducks are still the Ducks and they'll always be loved by the pollsters. And as long as they have Marcus Mariota, they have a chance to beat anyone. But as always--they still suck on defense and tend to lose if under pressure. We'll see if that holds true. This Week: vs. Stanford, Our Pick: Oregon 43, Stanford 31

8) Michigan State 7-1. Your Little 10 champs? Maybe. We should know better after this week. They've scored a ton of points this year, given up a lot too. Beat Ohio State, they are likely to walk away with the title. B1G title that is. This Week: BYE

9) TCU 7-1. The temptation is to rank them higher after Trevonne Boykin and his pals dropped 82 on Texas Tech. And hey, that makes them the #1 in scoring avg this season. But...there are still roadblocks ahead. And if the Froggies don't play better D, they won't get past them. This Week: at West Virginia, Our Pick: West By-Gawd 51, TCU 47---UPSET ALERT!!

10) Notre Dame 7-1. Confession. We are not fans of the Irish. And it sometimes affects our ranking of the boys from South Bend. But...keep in mind, it's mostly because they are usually way overrated. This, to us, is the right place for them. But they could jump if the teams ahead cannibalize themselves. This Week: at Navy, Our Pick: Notre Dame 41, Navy 23

11) Georgia 7-1. Bad news--no Todd Gurley for 2 more weeks. Good news--The Dawgs haven't needed him. The improving defense has helped UGA get the table set to make this a memorable season. But they too always seem to gag under pressure. Can they avoid it this year? This Week: vs. Florida, Our Pick: UGA 23, UF 13

12) Arizona 7-1. Go Rich Rods...A bad, close loss to to Southern Cal is the only blemish for the Wildcats. But props to these guys. They've become relevant again after a long time out of the spotlight. And hey, they beat Oregon. So that counts too. This Week: at UCLA, Our Pick: Fighting Rodriguez's 37, UCLA 30

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:



5) UConn 1-6. Oh, poor, poor UConn. How many years ago was it you were playing in the Fiesta Bowl game? Amazing how fast fortunes can turn. This is a bad team that is likely to run the table. Except they finish with a Toilet Bowl game vs. SMU. This Week: vs. UCF, Our Pick: UCF 37, UConn 12

4) Georgia State 1-7. Guess the Panthers picked a bad week to play the nations best running team last week. 600 plus yards and 60-plus points later, Ga. Southern walked away with a win. There may be A winnable game on the schedule, but which one? This Week: at Appalachian St., Our Pick: Appy State 37, Ga. State 21

3) Tulsa 1-6. Another team that had a good run in the not so distant past. But hard times have come to their town. And we don't know if things are going to get better either. (Cheesy 80's music references--look them up). This Week: at Memphis, Our Pick: Memphis 31, Tulsa 23

2) Troy 1-7. The Trojans need to just write off this season. It's been ug, ug, ugly and it's not going to get better either...



No, even Trojan Man can save them. This Week: at Ga. Southern, Our Pick: Ga.Southern 51, Trojan Man 27

1) SMU 0-7. Come on man! Mack Brown? Really? Mack can't be that stupid, this is a horrid team. Must have been some sort of dream by the Dallas Morning News. Right? And hey, the Mustangs hit double figures last week (10pts)...so things are looking up. This Week: BYE, Our Pick: BYE 41, SMU 3 Ha!

So...are ya ready for November? Things are getting ready to change...a lot. Too many teams playing too many teams in the polls. They will cannibalize themselves. Really, they will...just wait and see...

We leave you with New Music Thursday---a very cool song:

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of The Barrel: Who's With Me?

No, despite there only being four undefeated teams, it ain't over yet--

We're about to hit the homestretch in the College Football season...otherwise known as November. And there are still plenty of hurdles even the undefeated teams will have to clear. 

We know that the SEC West appears to be the best conference in all the land, but will any of those teams have enough left to beat Georgia in the SEC title game?

Casey

And we know that Notre Dame may or may not have gotten jobbed in Tallahassee, a game we secretly hoped both teams would lose...alas, that was not possible.

But enough of that, there's pickin' to be done....

Last week, so 11-3 ain't bad...right? And we called the West Va. win. That makes us 78-16 on the season. (We don't pick the spread...not that smart)

But anyway...

To quote the late, great Casey Kasem....it's "On with the countdown"....

THE DIRTY DOZEN

1) Florida State 7-0. Yeah SEC fans, I said it. They are still #1. Not necessarily because they are the best team, but they will run the table. No guarantees anyone else in the FBS can do that. And more importantly...

And nobody has been able to do that. This Week: BYE

2) Mississippi State 6-0. The bye last week had to help them because they came off 3 straight tough games. And are now everyone's darlings. But unless they shore up the pass defense (last in FBS), Alabama will beat them in a couple weeks. This Week: vs. Kentucky, Our Pick: Miss St. 38, KY 17

3) Ole Miss 7-0. We're still in shock to Mississippi teams are in the top 3. That may very well be a sign of the apocalypse. Their achilles heel is offense, the O is inconsistent, but a strong D more than makes up for it. The next 2 weeks will determine how big the Egg Bowl will be. This Week: at LSU, Our Pick: Ole Miss 24, LSU 23--close call

4) Alabama 6-1. Today's lesson: Don't make Nick Saban angry. You won't like Saban when he's angry. He and the Tide went all Hulk on Texas A and M and now they get Saban's work partner Coach Kiffykins returning to the scene of one of his crimes. Already it's been fun. This Week: at Tennessee, Our Pick: Bama 45, Tenn. 23

5) Auburn 5-1. Somehow these guys always fly under the radar. Sure, they got beat by Miss. St. but they are dangerous. Very dangerous. We suspect they will have a voice in who goes to the SEC title game and the playoff. This Week: vs. South Carolina, Our Pick: Auburn 41, S.Carolina 27

6) Oregon 6-1. We put the Duckies here only because we think the Pac 12 is better than the little 10. They are likely to be a playoff team, but we don't think they are better than anyone ranked ahead of them. IMO. But I could be wrong. This Week: at Cal, Our Pick: Oregon 51, Cal 31

7) Michigan St. 6-1. Your best of the Little 10. And they are pretty good. But Oregon did beat them. And playing in the 10, they aren't going to be pushed too hard. The only test: 3 weeks from now they play Ohio St. This Week: vs. Michigan, Our Pick: Mich St. 38, Mich 27

8) Georgia 6-1. Another dangerous team with a history of shooting themselves in the foot. If indeed they get Todd Gurley back, they become scary good. The D has improved each week. With Gurley and Chubb, they just play keep away. The only test left--vs. Auburn in November. This Week: BYE

9) Notre Dame 6-1. This is one of their better, tougher teams. They should have beaten FSU, but didn't. But they are Notre Dame, they'll get love. The pass defense needs work, but Everett Golston has been outstanding. And no roadblocks ahead. This Week: BYE

10) TCU 5-1. Outside a Gary Patterson brain fart, they have been the best of the Big 9(12). The D hasn't been great, but QB Trevonne Boykin has been a revelation. And the reason the Horned Frogs are scary good on offense. This Week: vs. Texas Tech, Our Pick: TCU 48, T-Tech 31

11) Kansas State 5-1. If not for a bad Field Goal kicker, they beat Auburn and are undefeated. And yes, Bill Snyder is a wizard of some sorts, he just keeps producing good teams in the middle of the Kansas plains. This Week: vs. Texas, Our Pick: K-State 31, Texas 21

12) Ohio State 5-1. It took the Buckeyes a couple weeks to find their footing, but they have. Outside Mich. St, they are the only other serious threat in the Little 10. JT Barrett has been a revelation, and for the Urbanator, that's all he needs. This Week: at Penn St., Our Pick: tOSU 38, Penn St. 27

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:

Oy, there's only one NO WIN team left here (SMU). What ever are we to do? Too many of our past lists have had multiple no win teams on it. But hey, maybe that just means everyone is getting better.

Or not....

5) Georgia St. 1-6. The Panthers should never have jumped to the FBS as fast as they did. They were not ready. And are now just everyone's cupcake game. They are playing their polar opposite this week, who waited until they were ready to jump. And now are scaring everyone. This Week: vs. Ga.Southern, Our Pick: Ga.Southern 43, Ga.State 21 (was there doubt?)

4) Idaho 1-6. Yay! The Vandals stole a game. Even though it was last week, it's not enough to get them off the Barrel--yet. They still can't stop the run. Though they should be able to manage it this week. This Week: BYE

3) Troy 1-6. There was hope for the retiring Larry Blakeney after a win. Then they play Appalachian State and got annihilated. So, the misery continues. They do have games with Ga.State and Idaho left, so there is hope. This Week: at South Alabama. Our Pick: S.Alabama 31, Troy 27

2) Miami OH 1-7. Oh how some things never change. They too finally won a game, but have done nothing with that momentum. At all. No defense and little offense, means you often will lose. This Week: vs. Kent State, Our Pick: Kent St. 37, Miami OH 36

1) SMU 0-6. Pity the poor Mustangs. They've been shut out twice and hit double figures in points once. That folks, is not good. And things aren't getting any better. This Week: vs. Memphis, Our Pick: Memphis 43, SMU 6

For you SMU fans--

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Game On!

Yup, finally, after 4 weeks of mostly cupcake games or arguably exhibition games, the College Football season "kicks it up a notch"



A bunch of good, hopefully competitive games with possibly the best of them being Alabama vs. Ole Miss.

And when's the last time you could say Ole Miss was in a game with title implications?

Without further ado, we'll jump right into things: Oh, wait...we were 12-0 last week in our picks.

Wait, what? Yeah, 12-0 bitches...that makes us 47-5 on the season.

Tell 'em Sir Paul:



Okay, enough fun stuff time to get down to business and as Casey Kasem always said, "On With The Countdown"...

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Florida State 4-0. Arrghh...we hate to put these guys here. Mostly because we want Jameis Winston to lose. And he almost did last week, but when NC State went up by 10 in the 3rd quarter, Winston and his teammates responded. (This Week: vs. Wake Forest, Our Pick: FSU 48, Wake 10)

2) Alabama 4-0. Okay, so maybe the odd couple will work. Saban and Kiffin BFF's, who knew? The Tide is good, though not as good as past teams. But this year, it still may be enough--if they can survive the SEC West gauntlet. (This Week: at Ole Miss, Our Pick: Alabama 24, Ole Miss 23)

3) Oklahoma 4-0. Yes, Oklahoma. They are probably gonna run the table guys. Deal with it. Unless they go bonehead, this will be one of your 4 Playoff teams. And they should be, they are pretty good. (This Week: at TCU. Our Pick: Oklahoma 31, TCU 23)

4) Oregon 4-0. Sorry Ducks, you fall after barely beating Washington St. Yes, we know it was in god-forsaken Pullman, but still. The Mike Leach's aren't that good. If you want to be a title contender, you need to win more convincingly. Deal with it. (This Week: vs. Arizona, Our Pick: Oregon 41, Arizona 33)

5) Auburn 4-0. Right, they beat La. Tech. So what...They struggled early and pulled away late from a team they shouldn't struggle with. But we don't blame them for being uninterested. It gets real for them this week. Les Miles real. (This Week: vs. LSU, Our Pick: Auburn 43, LSU 27)

6) UCLA 4-0. The Bruins finally looked like the team everyone thought they'd be last week at Arizona State. Brett Hundley stepped it up and UCLA just flat ran away from the Sun Devils. Big win. (This Week: vs. Utah, Our Pick: UCLA 37, Utah 21)

7) Texas A&M 5-0. Barely. Not barley. Oh boy, Kenny Hill is the real deal. He rescued the Aggies who nearly lost to Arkansas. In College Station. It wouldn't have shocked us, just surprised us. But that's only the 1st test. (This Week: at Miss. St., Our Pick: UPSET--Miss St. 27, Aggies 23)

8) Notre Dame 4-0. Yes, they get to be #8. For now. But honestly folks, outside a game vs. FSU, there's nothing on the schedule that will trip these guys up. But we could be wrong. (This Week: vs. Stanford, Our Pick: Irish 31, Trees 21)

9) Baylor 4-0. This is a flawed team. You may not have seen it yet. But we don't believe the defense is strong enough to get these guys to the playoff. We could be wrong, but we are pretty confident in this despite Bryce Petty being pretty awesome. (This Week: at Texas, Our Pick: Baylor 43, Texas 21)

10) Ole Miss 4-0. That's right peeps. Ole Miss stays in the #10 slot this week. And their 1st shot at glory in a long, long time. This is a good team, but they've not played anyone but cupcakes. That is about to change in a big way. They'll keep it close on energy alone. (This Week: see #2)

11) Miss. St 4-0. Two Mississippi teams in the Dozen. This may never happen again in our long and proud future. But it's happening this week. Beating LSU in Death Valley..at night. And doing it convincingly...almost. That's big. This week is arguably bigger (This Week: see #7)

12) Georgia 3-1. If you have Todd Gurley, you have a chance to be great every week. The Bulldogs haven't been, but Gurley has been enough to beat just about everyone. We think the defense will get better, but they need to find a quarterback who can throw the ball further than me. (This Week: vs. Vanderbilt, Our Pick: Gurley Men 43, Vandy 17)

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:



5) Idaho 0-4. Oh, ye poor Vandal fan. Sure, you've been close in most of your games, but you were manhandled by South Alabama a below average Sun Belt team. But hey, winter is coming. So there is that. (This Week: at Texas St, Our Pick: Texas St. 30, Idaho 20)

4) Troy State 0-5. Hey, smile Trojan man, you nearly beat La. Monroe. That has to be a bright spot...right? Coming off the Georgia massacre, it has to be encouraging. (This Week: at New Mexico St., Our Pick: NM State 33, Troy 28)

3)UMass 0-5. MAC Action...catch the fever! We will hand it to the Minute men. They dropped 42 on Bowling Green last week. But they gave up 47, so yeah, that's another one in the loss column. Tide's have to turn for these guys at some point, maybe this will be their week. (This Week: at Miami, OH, Our Pick: UMass 31, Miami--Oh)

2) Miami, OH 0-5. Yes, we've moved them out of the bottom of the bottom of the barrel...for now. With one of the worst rushing attacks in all of College Football (ranked 102nd), the Redhawks, well, they struggle at times. 2 straight seasons without a win will do that. (This Week: See #3)

1) SMU 0-4. Yes...SMU. They've earned the worst of the worst moniker for one reason. 12 points in 4 games. That's 3 points a game and that is pretty damn bad. Statistically, they are at the bottom of pretty much every list. But then again, that's why they are the worst team in College Football too. (This Week: at East Carolina (yikes!), Our Pick: ECU 70, SMU 3)

Special thanks to the folks at Delta this week because as we finish this weeks column, we're about 30,000 feet over America's heartland headed to Denver for a little R and R and a trip to the Great American Beer Festival.

Cheers y'all....

CFB: The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Return of the King

It's been so long since our annual College Football weekly column that we almost forgot to write it. And no doubt you would all have shed a tear and uttered a collective "Hey, where's that...um...stuff about College Football"?

Or maybe you wouldn't...



It's been a somewhat quiet, albeit tumultuous off season that saw the Death of The BCS and rise of the Five....

Or was that the Fantastic Four?

Eh, whatever...

We don't believe in preseason polls, they are pointless, so we didn't do one. But we are giving you are impressions and our list of the Top 12 and Bottom 5 teams in College Football as WE see them.

It isn't who the pollsters see, because as we all know, it's a popularity contest. (Another column for another day). So, without killing ourselves...



We give you the Dirty Dozen and the Bottom of the Barrel....

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Florida St. 1-0. Yeah, sure. As a legendary man of men, speaker of speakers (public that is...) once said...



Tell 'em Naitch. Right now nobody has beaten the 'Noles, winners of their last 13 or so games. And unless Famous Jameis does something stupid again, they may not lose. This week they play a Clemson team that Georgia humiliated on Saturday night. Ruh roh. (Our Pick: FSU 43, Citadel 10)

2) Georgia 1-0. Is it too early to give Todd Gurley the Heisman? Does one game make a season? No, of course it doesn't. And the Bulldogs are perennial masters of shooting themselves in the foot. But will it happen this year? (This Week: BYE)

3) Oklahoma 1-0. Big game Bob has been badmouthing the SEC for 2-years now. And couldn't exactly back it up. Until maybe now. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt because he has the best team in the Big 9. For now. (This Week: at Tulsa. Our Pick: The Stoops 43, Tulsa 20)

4. Texas A and M 1-0. So, anyone doubt Kevin Sumlin now? While Johnny Football was a pretty good college QB, it's pretty obvious the Aggies success the last 2-years wasn't all him. Somehow, they've just rebuilt in College Station. This could be interesting. (This Week: vs. Lamar? Really?--sigh---Our Pick: Aggies 52, Lamar 10)

5. Alabama 1-0. It's amazing to us how many have already written off the fighting Saban's after just one week. Sure, he's teamed up with our pal Coach Kiffykins, but come on man...they're still 'Bama.



Yeah...we went there. (This Week: vs. Florida Atlantic. Seriously. FAU. Our Pick: Bama 112, FAU 3)

6.  Oregon 1-0. Yes, the perennial underachieving Ducks. If it plays like a duck, looks like a duck and loses late in the season after being highly rated, then yeah, it's probably Oregon. (This Week: vs. Michigan St. Oooh. A good game. Our Pick: Oregon 33, Mich St 27)

7. Auburn 1-0. No brother Jon, I'm not putting these guys in the top 3. I'm not by god, it's my column! Yeah, sure, we know. They are really good. Nobody can slow them down. And the defense is improving. And Gus is a pretty good coach. Talk to us when we are later in the season. (This Week: vs. San Jose St. Huh? Our Pick: Auburn 58, SJS 10)

8. Michigan St. 1-0. If only they didn't play in the Big 10. And as we all know, the Big 10 loses to the fast schools, pretty much all the time. Someday they'll get the hint, but probably not til Grand Poobah Delany retires. Anyway. (This Week: See #6)

9. Stanford 1-0. Yeah, another team that loses in the clutch. They play more like a Big 10 team only they aren't. And yes, they too have a very good coach. This week, we'll find out just how good they are. (This Week vs. USC. Our Pick: Stanford 31, USC 30)

10. UCLA 1-0. So, our pal JL Mora Jr seems to have found his home in Westwood. And he's done a great job reviving the Bruins. We always thought he'd be a good college coach. Good for him. Now he just needs Brett Hundley and co. to realize the season started LAST week. (This Week: vs. Memphis. Our Pick: UCLA 47, Memphis 23)

11. LSU 1-0. Have a great day! And enjoy Les Miles, still one of CFB's best interviews. He's got a pretty good, albeit young team too. And deep. They've been decent, but not great the past 2 years. That's going to continue. (This Week: vs. Sam Houston. Uh..ok. Our Pick: LSU 37, SHS 10)

12. Baylor 1-0. The Bears get the nod because of Bryce Petty. And we say that in spite of Petty trying his best to hurt himself in a game his team already had in hand. But they'll score a lot, scare some people and lose when pushed. It's what they do. (This Week: vs. Northwestern St.--sigh--Our Pick: Baylor 100, NWSt. 3)

Keep in mind good reader, we don't pick the spread, just the score. Or more precisely, who wins....and who doesn't. And we're pretty good at it as evidenced by last years 156-27 record.

Top that bitches!!

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:



5. Florida Atlantic 0-1. Gosh, they could have had the Pelini bowl to start the season if only Carl hadn't gotten fired last yr. for drugs...and general suckitude. It's tough living life as a directional Florida School. These guys should be better. But aren't. (This week: vs. Alabama. Our Pick; See above)

4. Florida International 0-1. Another crappy directional Florida school who has been in the toilet since inexplicably firing Mario Cristobal. And now they've picked a fight with the Miami Herald over their beat writer. We are betting on the beat writer to win. (This Week: vs. Wagner. Our Pick: Wagner 17, FIU 13)

3. UMass 0-1. They've been on our list for going on 3-seasons. And no sign of that changing soon. They have a QB named Fronhapel so they can't be all bad, right? Ha! (This Week vs. Colorado. Our Pick: Colorado 10, UMass 7)

2. Troy 0-1. Yes, Troy. A once proud Sun Belt team that's fallen on hard times. Wait, that sounds familiar. They got smoked by UAB last week. Yes, former Barrel team UAB. (This Week: vs. Duke. Our Pick: Duke 37, Troy 13)

1. Miami (OH) 0-1. The Redhawks are back. Oh yes they are. And they are badder than ever. Armed with a new coach, they hope to shake the MAC curse and lift themselves up...and out of the barrel. Good luck boys, you'll need it. (This Week: vs. E.Kentucky. Our Pick: Miami 31, EKY 17)

At Last: Southern Miss Wins! Southern Miss Wins!

Hooray!

Our worst team in College Football for the past 2 season has finally gotten off the schnide.

Southern Miss, 0-for the past two seasons (0-23) and Kings of our weekly "Bottom of the Barrel" poll, rode the back of QB Nick Mullens who threw for 5 TD passes and earned the 62-27 win over Alabama-Birmingham.

The Golden Eagles, who struggled with pretty much everything all season put it all together, outscoring UAB 28-0 in the second half.

We are searching for highlights, but in the meantime, enjoy the post-game celebrating Courtesy of the Sun-Herald:

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: You Can't Handle The Truth

Truth be told. This week is one that's going to separate the men from the boys. In many ways.

Oregon vs. Stanford, Oklahoma at Baylor. On a Thursday night no-less. What ever is a football fan to do…?



For those of you young'ins out there, go look this video up. It's from Saturday Night Live and it's the only clue I'm giving you. The rest of us are already familiar with it.

But we have other things to talk about today. Including our record. You know, the reason you read the column. To learn all there is to know about College Football in a true, fair and honest manner.

With occasional humor.

Last week, 11-0 on the predictions. Yes, 11-0 Bitches!



Tell 'em Naitch…That makes us 105-16 on the season. Go back and check.

But there's important business to take care of. Like this week's poll.

So in the words of the immortal Casey Kasem, it's "On with the Countdown"….

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Florida St. 8-0. We proclaim thee, the best in all the land. Though we don't know if the BCS computers are going to agree with us. Really, Miami was the main, potential land-mine, and a date at toothless Florida suddenly doesn't seem so scary. This Week: at Wake Forest. Our Pick: FSU 51, Wake 13

2) Oregon 8-0. Time to find out how tough the Ducks really are. A roadie to Palo Alto. The only team to slow the Quack was UCLA, last week. And they still allowed Oregon 42 points. Marcus Mariota, he's accounted for 29 TD's this season…with 4 games left. This Week: at Stanford. Our Pick: Oregon 38, Stanford 23 (Disregard last weeks early pick)

3) Alabama 8-0. Why do we rank Alabama #3? Because SEC folks, outside Texas A&M, they've not played anyone worth a crap. Nobody. Go ahead, argue this point.



This Week: vs. LSU. Our Pick: Alabama 37, LSU 27

4) Baylor 7-0. Yes America, we are on the Baylor Bandwagon. #4 in all the land. 63 points per game. Flying high. Slowing down for no-one. Until now. If Thursday's game were in Norman, we'd pick the upset. It isn't. This Week: vs. Oklahoma. Our Pick: Baylor 43, Oklahoma 28

5) Ohio St. 9-0. Yes, yes, yes Buckeyes, we know you don't get enough love…or something like that. 9-0, winning by 31 points a game. But you play in the REALLY crappy Big 10. Which is barely a notch above the AAC. Yeah, we said it. This Week: BYE

6) Stanford 7-1. Early on, this was our sort-of dark horse pick to win it all. We'll back off that prediction now, though they are certainly formidable (big word HA!). The Tree has been good, not great and to not be pooped on by the Ducks, they'll need to be great. This Week: SEE #2

7) Missouri 8-1. Welcome back Mizzou. Thankfully the hangover of choking away the South Carolina game didn't carry over. Your fate is now in your hands. The schedule is not difficult from this point forward. Beat the Johnny Football's at the end of the month, you get to go to Atlanta. Period. And face Alabama. Your welcome. This Week: at Kentucky. Our Pick: Mizzou 37, Kentucky 6 (2 3-pt FG's)

8) Oklahoma 7-1. No, the Sooners haven't been dominant. But they've gotten better every week. Still can't explain getting manhandled by Texas, but there's still time to make up for it. Though you'll need to be sharp this week. This Week: SEE #4

9) Clemson 7-1. Looks like the Tigers have regained their mojo, at least a little bit. Though they'll need a lot of help to get to the ACC title game. Otherwise, can you say "Chick-Fil-A"? This Week: BYE

10) Auburn 8-1. We don't buy into these guys as much as the national computers do, though we love the job Gus Malzahn has done. Explain again how Gene Chizik coached here last season….Tighten up the "D" and you are looking at a title contender. Of course keep winning and beat 'Bama…and you are definitely a contender. This Week: at Tennessee. Our Pick: Vols 31, Auburn 30 UPSET

11) Fresno St 8-0. Woo hoo! Undee-freakin-feated….Derek Carr is a fantastic QB and the Bulldogs are worth watching ifyou've got some time. Too bad they play on Pacific time, so a lot of you don't get to see them. Too bad. This Week: at Wyoming. Our Pick: Fresno 37, Wyoming 31

12) Northern Illinois 9-0. Is this a Top 5 team? No. Is this a Top 10 team? Maybe. Is this a team you should be watching? Absolutely. Jordan Lynch is a B.A.M.F (look it up). 31 TD's and counting on the season. A poor man's Marcus Mariota. The Huskies face their toughest test of the season, this week. This Week: vs. Ball St. Our Pick: NIU 43, Ball St. 33

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:



5) UConn 0-7. You know who you are…



You are a REALLY crappy football team…nothing else needs to be said. Prove us wrong. This Week: vs. Louisville. Our Pick: Louisville 58, UConn 10

4) Eastern Michigan 1-8. Yeah…about that whole defense thing. You have to stop the other team from scoring in order to win. They did tell you guys that….didn't they? This Week: vs. W. Michigan. Final Score: oofff…do we have to? Tie Score 45 all…

3) Ga. State 0-9. Sorry guys. Guess you picked a bad year to jump to FBS. Or maybe not? You weren't too good in FCS if we remember correctly. Eh…either way. Congrats on becoming a big schools practice squad. This Week: BYE (at least they won't lose)

2) Miami (OH) 0-9. We're guessing the RedHawks can't wait for the season to end. It's been a rough year. No wins, your top 2 RB's haven't scored a TD. You are at the bottom of the MAC. Unfortunately, you don't play E. Michigan though. So you won't win this year. This Week: at Kent St. (Nov.13), Our Pick: Kent St. 21, Miami 13

1) Southern Miss. 0-9. Oh, the agony of it all. Going on 2 straight seasons with no wins. Oh, the agony. And unfortunately, no end in sight. A lot of things need to change before that will happen. Yeah, just not seeing any bright side here. This Week: at La. Tech. Our Pick: La.Tech 37, S.Miss 10



'Nuff said….

Can A Flash Mob Save The Southern Miss Season...???

((HT: Southern Miss Sports/CFT))

It's no secret that the Golden Eagles are at the Bottom of the Barrel- as Brother Phil will attest on a weekly basis...

And prevailing wisdom is that the program may be in the dumper for a while- considering all the damage that was done by Ellis Johnson in his only season as boss man...

They have lost 18 in a row and had an issue even beating FIU earlier this season...

So, that brings us to this...

Head coach Todd Monken put out a call to the masses in Hattiesburg and this show of support happened...


Phil will also stipulate, the HQ is sure, that Monken could be the guy to turn the program around- given the long-term chance...

UMass Football: Fighting To Be Bad

((ht: deadspin.com))

Hmmmm....this may explain a few things.

A video, posted by the Daily Hampshire Gazette, has raised more than a few eyebrows in and around the University of Massachusetts campus.

The "Hype" video in question, show various shots of UMass football players wrestling, punching and appearing to square off and fight each other.



No, Brad Pitt nor Edward Norton were anywhere to be found.

The video, shot during the teams winter 2012 workouts, appears to have been produced by the schools video staff per instructions by coach Charley Molnar.

And according to the Gazette, a group of former players is very upset and petitioning to stop the "Improper Treatment of Current Players".

Read more from Gazettenet.com RIGHT HERE

Of course, none of this justifies the Minutemen being one of the FBS level patsies for the past couple of seasons. They finished near the bottom of our "Bottom of the Barrel" poll last season.

And in 2013, the suckiness has continued as the team is 0-4 and averaging 7 points a game. And Molnar is still the coach.

And despite Molnar's defense of his method's in the article, perhaps, considering how bad they've been, things might need to change. Though we'd be surprised to see that actually happen.

Watch the video yourself and see if this is the right way to learn how to play football:

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Turkey Day Edition

Hi Boys and Girls. We had something come up and couldn't do our regular look at the best and worst of college football...but we're back.

And it's the week of rivalry. The week of the Turkey. The week we all celebrate the fact that we can eat. And that we can eat in excess.

But we digress...

To celebrate the holiday, we pay homage to the greatest Thanksgiving TV Show episode ever produced:



Classic.

So...last week was upset Saturday with two of the three undefeated teams taking it on the chin. And when the dust settled, suddenly we were back where we started.



Anyway. We'd like to say we would have been 14-0 or something last week, but honestly...we wouldn't have been. So instead of dwelling on where we were this season, we'll just turn Casey Kasem and say "On with the Countdown"....

**Note**--We are not beholden to the BCS poll so what you are about to read may not be what . they think the rankings should be. It's what "I" think they should be...and it's my column...


THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Alabama 10-1. This will anger Texas A&M and Notre Dame fans, but you all know this is true. Yes, Johnny Football beat them, but if they play 10 times, 'Bama wins at least 8 of them. And to be totally honest, I'm not going to put any money on these guys beating Georgia next week. But I have been known to be wrong. Yes, I can admit that!. (This Week: vs. Auburn. Our Pick: Alabama 41, Auburn 10)

2) Oregon 10-1. Yes, we know they lost to Stanford, but we still believe they are this good. There obviously is a way to beat them and part of that is hope there are injuries. If they were to have made it to the BCS Championship game, they could very well win it because they'll be healthy. (This Week: at Oregon St. Our Pick: Oregon 38, Oregon St. 31)

3) Notre Dame 11-0. Sorry Irish fans, your team is good, but they aren't "That" good. They may survive USC (thanks Matt Barkley) but they aren't better than a 4th place SEC team to be honest. And that alone will get you to the BCS Championship game. (This Week: at USC. Our Pick: Notre Dame 24, USC 21) 

4) Texas A&M 9-2. So...here is your hottest team in College Football. Are they the best team. No, not this year. But I wouldn't want to play them either. Johnny Football may have stolen the Heisman this year and the O-Line on this team is good. Really good. (This Week: vs. Missouri. Our Pick: A&M 41, Mizzou 24) 


5) Georgia 10-1.  On paper, this team should be #1 or #2, but they don't play on paper. Until they win a game like the SEC Championship game, there will always be questions about this team. They haven't won a "Big" game in a long time. The ranking isn't higher because of that and a soft schedule. (This Week: vs. Georgia Tech. Our Pick: Georgia 43, Ga.Tech 21)

6) Florida St. 10-1. One bad loss. Sometimes you never recover from that. And FSU hasn't. This is a good, deep football team that in theory would be tough to beat in a playoff. But we don't have a playoff this year. They are easily the best of the ACC. (This Week: vs. Florida. Our Pick: FSU 24, Florida 10)

 7) Kansas St. 10-1. Kind of hard to explain the loss to Baylor. If they were as good as advertised, should that have ever happened? It also may have ruined Collin Klein's shot at the Heisman. Redemption would come this week, but it won't get them to the BCS title game. (This Week: vs. Texas. Our Pick: K-State 31, Texas 21)

8) LSU 9-2. They've actually gotten better as Zach Mettenberger is beginning to show signs of being an SEC level QB. He wasn't until the Alabama game. However the "D" giving up 35 to Ole Miss is sort of surprising. (This Week: at Arkansas. Our Pick: LSU 34, Arkansas 27)

9) Stanford 9-2. A good win over Oregon. A very good win. But the "D" played the game of their life and Kevin Hogan didn't lose the game. We aren't sure they can do it 2-weeks in a row and they'll need to . (This Week: at UCLA. Our Pick: UCLA 34, Stanford 23)

10) Ohio St. 11-0. This isn't your dad's Ohio State, they are much more rounded. But in any other year, they probably wouldn't be undefeated in the Big 10/14. They are very good team in a very not-so-good this year conference. (This Week: vs. Michigan. Our Pick: Ohio St. 31, Michigan 27)
411) Florida 10-1. Sorry Gator fans, you have the most overrated team on the board. You wouldn't beat any of these teams ahead of you. Your defense and special teams are very good, but your offense is monumentally bad. But take heart, no matter what we say, if you beat FSU and Notre Dame loses, you'll be in the BCS Championship game, whether you deserve it or not. (This Week: see #6)

12) UCLA 9-2. Okay. So. We owe our pal Jim Mora Jr. an apology. He's apparently found some sort of magic track to get a group of someone else's recruits who weren't playing very well to the point where they could win the Pac-12. They won't beat Oregon but they aren't far away. (This Week: See #9)

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:

**UMASS WON! UMASS WON!**
 5) Idaho 1-10. Fear the potato. What else can be said about a team that fired their coach and their starting QB during the season? You are pretty much doomed to suck at that point. We did see a stat that they've lost 10 or more games 3 of the last 5 years. So they technically could be a legacy choice here. (This Week: at Utah St. Our Pick: Utah St. 43, Idaho 17) 

4) New Mexico St. 1-9. What would the worst of the worst be without a New Mexico team? Start off with a win...and then lose 9 straight. Not gonna make for a good holiday out there. (This Week: at BYU. Our Pick: BYU 38, NM State 17)

3) Akron 1-11. So...we can't pick the Zips final game vs. Toledo cause they've already played it. And lost. Well, at least they are already out of our misery. So there is that. Guess they won't be leaving the poll. See ya next year!

2) Colorado 1-11.This is like an EPICALLY bad football team. And yet they escape the basement only because they managed to somehow beat Washington St in week #4. The defense is the WORST in Division 1 football...bar none. And the offense isn't much better. (This Week: vs. Utah. Our Pick: Utah 46, Colorado 16)   

1) Southern Miss. 0-11. Fear not Hattiesburg, it's almost over. Your first losing season in 87 years. Words cannot describe this team, so we'll keep this short. The Ellis Johnson experiment= FAIL. New Coach= BRETT FAVRE! Make that hire...you'll be on ESPN every week. (This Week: at Memphis. Our Pick: --amazingly--Memphis 17, Southern Miss 13)
 
And...in honor of the Holiday...we give you an "All-Time" family favorite----

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of The Barrel: Bad Creatures

Eh. How's this for a theme week?



How can you lose? A horrible looking movie starring Debbie Gibson and Tiffany?



Cheesiest stuff ever:



Bwahahahaha!

With this much cheese, how could a college football season ever go on? Especially when it's all but pre-ordained that Alabama is going to win it all again. They finally broke a sweat last week vs. LSU, but then made it look easy driving for the late TD.

Sure, Oregon has put up Video Game numbers but we don't buy the "They Play Defense Too" thing until they play someone good outside the "HIGHLY OVER-RATED" Pac-12.

SHARKTOPUS!



Anyway...

Last Week: 14-0. That's more like it. Though thankfully, we don't pick the Spread. For the season--101-22, much more impressive.

But enough about us: Quoting Dozen favorite Casey Kasem, it's "On With The Countdown"....

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Alabama 9-0. Can anyone beat these guys? Uh...not likely. And no, Johnny Football isn't going to do it either. Saban's monsters just plain overpower everyone. Sure, they struggled to contain LSU, but LSU played their best game of the season, by far. (This Week: vs. Texas A&M. Our Pick: Alabama 31, Texas A&M 21)

2) Oregon 8-0. Ladies and gentlemen, your highest scoring team in College Football. But is it more the piss-poor PAC-12 defenses or is it them? Kenjon Barner had the game of his life vs. USC. The only stunner is the corrupt BCS has them at #3. Lunacy I tell you! (This Week: at Cal. Our Pick: Oregon 54, Cal. 23)

3) Kansas St. 9-0. This is where we find out what they've got. If Collin Klein can't go, then what happens? They've had to be on the past 3 weeks and that won't stop til the season is over. One let-down and it's over. (This Week: at TCU. Our Pick: K-State 31, TCU 27)

4) Georgia 8-1. They were a bit sleepy in the first half vs. a decent Ole Miss team. The second half was total domination. Assuming they don't go back to sleep, they have a date ahead with Alabama. And have a punchers chance there. (This Week: at Auburn. Our Pick: Georgia 43, Auburn 17)

5) Notre Dame 9-0. They should have lost to Pitt. No question about it. We think they are pretty good, but not an "Elite" team. And because they are Notre Dame, if they win out, which they may...they'll be in the BCS Championship game.--sorry Oregon. (This Week: at Boston College. Notre Dame 24, Boston College 3)

6) Ohio State 10-0. Ha! Big F.U to the NCAA here. But even though they haven't lost, they've beaten up on the Big 10, which is AWFUL this year. They don't beat any of the teams ahead of them here other than maybe Notre Dame. (This Week: BYE)

7) Louisville 9-0. Teddy Bridgewater. Best QB none of you have ever heard of. Charlie Strong, best coach. They get to move up because they are still undefeated. Though playing in the wretched Big East is not helping them with everyone else. (This Week: at Syracuse. Our Pick: Louisville 38, Syracuse 21)

8) LSU 7-2. Yes, they got beat last week. But by far, that was the best they've played. The offense wasn't embarrassing and that is a big step. If Zach Mettenberger can continue to improve, they'll be fine. But now, they are just playing for Bowl Game positioning. (This Week: vs Miss. St. Our Pick: LSU 27, Miss. St. 17)

9) Florida 8-1. We'd like to place them higher, but the offense just isn't good. At all. They are lacking in so many places on offense we don't have time to list them. But the "D" is impressive and makes them one of the best teams in the land. (This Week: vs. La. Lafayette. Our Pick: UF 27, La. Laf 12--sorry Lovely Bride)

10) Florida St. 8-1. We still can't figure out how they lost to NC State. Yet they did. Aside from that and the Clemson game, nobody in the ACC has made them sweat. Nor will they. (This Week: at Va. Tech. Our Pick: FSU 37, Va.Tech 23)

11) South Carolina 7-2. God bless Steve Spurrier. Okay, well, maybe not. Maybe one day people will explain to him he isn't omniscient, but then he'd run away and hide. But we digress. The season nears an end and they only have one challenge left. And leave it to the 'ol Ball Coach, he's mouthing off about it already. He may regret that. (This Week: vs. Arkansas. Our Pick: S.Carolina 31, Ark. 10)

12) Oregon St. 7-1. We're going to continue to believe in these guys. They may prove us wrong, but so be it. They have been pretty good and are probably the best of the remaining one loss teams. So they get to stay--for now. (This Week: at Stanford. Our Pick: Oregon St. 24, Stanford 17)

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:

5) Colorado 1-8. It was fun while it lasted wasn't it Jon Embree. As a head coach, you were a good assistant. Your team is horrible. And that doesn't begin to describe it. Geez, you are giving up 46 points a game. Really? But at least you are scoring. Oh wait, you score 16 a game. Pffffft. (This Week: at Arizona. Our Pick: Arizona 46, Colorado 16)

4) New Mexico St. 1-8. So...you gave up 42 to Auburn, one of the worst offensive teams in NCAA history. Yeah. That's great. Sure, we didn't think you'd beat an SEC team, but Auburn is barely on the SEC radar this season. ---sigh--- (This Week: vs. San Jose St. Our Pick: San Jose St. 40, New Mexico St. 13)

3) Idaho 1-8. Yeah, we know, they beat NM State. But...they got rid of the starting QB and head coach in successive weeks. And really, aside from the win, they've only had one other close game. Don't expect that to change. (This Week: at BYU. Our Pick: BYU 42, Idaho 3)

2) Southern Miss. 0-9. They get elevated because they kept it close vs. UAB. Uh...wait. UAB only had one win before this too? Damn! So are you saying they still suck? Well, yes, we do say that. And so does pretty much everyone else. (This Week: at SMU. Our Pick: SMU 41, Southern Miss 4--hear that Brett Favre?)

1) UMass 0-9. Mercifully, season one in "Big Boy" football is almost over. And it is a good thing. Sadly, they are back to being the lowest scoring team in the NCAA again. In theory, they should have a chance this week. But we are betting they mess it up. (This Week: at Akron. Our Pick: Akron 10, UMass 9)

And so it goes for another week. 3 More left before Championship Saturday and then a month off before the only bowl games that matter are played. We have a pretty good idea now how it will play. It's just a matter of who slips up.

We give you one Final "BAD CREATURE" movie, possibly the Cheesiest of them all! (Starring Debbie Gibson too!!!!!)

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Weird Science

So....we hit the month of November and things are becoming clear cut for everyone.

Right?



Okay, so unless you are Alabama, you are probably wondering to yourself--"How weird would it be if we lost to LSU?"



We were wondering the same thing....BEFORE the season. Now, not so much. Although, we suppose if you are a Oregon, Notre Dame, Kansas State or...well, pretty much a fan of any other school you might be hoping something strange happens.



And no...Bill Paxton won't save you.

If only he'd save us from our recent spate of poor luck. Last week: 8-4, putting the overall count at...87-22.

But we digress...and as Casey always says at this point in our show--"On with the Countdown"

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Alabama 8-0. So, the question is...can anyone beat 'Bama? And Magic 8 Ball says--"Probably Not". We really thought LSU had a shot. But we thought Zach Mettenberger was more talented than Jordan Jefferson too. He isn't. This will however be 'Bama's toughest test, it's never easy to win in Baton Rouge...especially at night. (This Week: at LSU. Our Pick: Alabama 23, LSU 10)

2) Oregon 8-0. No BCS fans, this isn't your 4th best team. They are a worthy #2 and you can't state a case otherwise. And hey, we were close, we picked them to go for 112 vs. Colorado last week--they scored 70. (This Week: at USC. Our Pick: Oregon 41, USC 33)

3) Notre Dame 8-0. We can't believe this either. But yet here they are. And thanks to Everett Golson, they get better every week. BCS fans should be nervous, ND has an awful schedule and could easily end up 12-0 and end the SEC run. (This Week: vs. Pitt. Our Pick: ND 31, Pitt 13) 

4) Kansas State 8-0. They just keep winning. And Collin Klein just keeps tightening his grip on the Heisman. Thankfully, for them, they play in the Little 12. We think they'll run the table...but then again, we haven't be real prescient lately either. (This Week: vs. Okie State. Our Pick: K-State 47, Okie State 37)

5) LSU 7-1. Against our better judgement..and agreeing with the BCS for once. The Tigers clock in at #5 in our poll. They've just plain sucked on offense which leads many to believe they'll fold against Alabama. But don't bet against the Death Valley atmosphere. Especially in front of a National TV Audience. Really want to...no...can't....(This Week: See #1)

6) Florida St. 8-1. They've bounced back well from their idiotic loss to NC State. And we are a little reluctant to believe in them. Mostly because they are an ACC team. And ACC teams lose games for no apparent reason. The only way they don't get a BCS bid is they choke...oh wait. (This Week: BYE)

7) Georgia 7-1. Bravo UGA for finding their cojones last week. The question is: Will you keep holding onto them?. Any team with Jarvis Jones has a chance, but Aaron Murray needs to play a full game vs. a Top 10 team. Their slim BCS hopes ride with 'Bama winning this week. (This Week: vs. Ole Miss. Our Pick: UGA 37, Ole Miss 23)

8) Florida 7-1. They get to stay 'cause this defense alone beats most teams. The problem is when tested, the offense has...well...got issues. But, the Gator fans are back, even if they now have lost 2 straight to Georgia. (This Week: vs. Missouri. Our Pick: UF 23, Mizzou 10)

9) Louisville 8-0. We told you when he took the job, Charlie Strong was gonna be a great Head Coach. He's proving it. Unfortunately, he's gonna be in the SEC next season. Teddie Bridgewater is one of the best QB's nobody has heard of. Unfortunately he plays in the Big East...which is like playing in the UFL. (This Week: vs. Temple. Our Pick: Louisville 31, Temple 21)

11) South Carolina 7-2. Hate to see what happened to star RB Marcus Lattimore last week. Class kid who is apparently universally liked. But good kids like that will be successful. Kenny Miles and Mike Davis are pretty good backups. They'll be fine. (This Week: vs. Arkansas. Our Pick: S.Carolina 31, Ark. 17)

12) Clemson 7-1. We are pretty sure a fight between Dabo Swinney and Steve Spurrier will break out at the end of the month. They REALLY don't seem to like each other. If Clemson manages to win, they likely will end up 11-1. But they lost to FSU and that...will keep them in a MINOR bowl game. (This Week: at Duke. Our Pick: Clemson 47, Duke 31)

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:

5) Colorado 1-7. Welcome back....the dreams were your ticket out...Welcome Back, welcome back, welcome back. How do you play in alleged "Power Conference" and be the worst defensive team in all the land? Yeah. We don't know either. Enjoy your last month as coach Jon Embree. (This Week: vs. Stanford. Our Pick: Stanford 81, Colorado 12)

4) New Mexico St. 1-7. Oh boyeee...they play an SEC team this week. So they're gonna get wiped out. Oh..wait, who do they play? Auburn? Oh, they aren't an SEC team, at least not this year. It's quite possible this could be a low scoring game. Haha! Yeah, so we understate things. (This Week: at Auburn. Our Pick: Auburn 3, N.Mexico St. 2)

3) Idaho 1-7. Whadda ya say we vote they change their nickname to "The Potatoes"? That sounds more fitting, doesn't it? Good thing New Mexico St is in their conference. Hmmm...oh wait. They are in the Bottom of the Barrel too. (This Week: vs. San Jose St. Our Pick: SJSU 48, Idaho 7 French Fries)

2) UMass 0-8. Explain again who it was up there that thought D-1 football was a good idea? If it weren't for the 34 pt explosion in the Ohio loss, they'd be averaging less than 10 a game. Sorry, that won't cut it in Big Boy football. (This Week: at Northern Illinois. Our Pick: NIU 50, UMass 10)

1) Southern Miss 0-8. We've been telling you for weeks that Ellis Johnson is in over his head. This should be this bad a team. And yet they are. How does anyone lose to Rice...by 24 points. We've said for weeks, the next coach here is Brett Favre. That's looking more likely, every day. (This Week: vs. UAB. Our Pick: UAB 13, S. Miss 12)

Okay, we have to go now, as much as we like doing this, the dog is pestering me for dinner and I got plans tonight.

So, enjoy your football....