Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: You Can't Handle The Truth

Truth be told. This week is one that's going to separate the men from the boys. In many ways.

Oregon vs. Stanford, Oklahoma at Baylor. On a Thursday night no-less. What ever is a football fan to do…?

For those of you young'ins out there, go look this video up. It's from Saturday Night Live and it's the only clue I'm giving you. The rest of us are already familiar with it.

But we have other things to talk about today. Including our record. You know, the reason you read the column. To learn all there is to know about College Football in a true, fair and honest manner.

With occasional humor.

Last week, 11-0 on the predictions. Yes, 11-0 Bitches!

Tell 'em Naitch…That makes us 105-16 on the season. Go back and check.

But there's important business to take care of. Like this week's poll.

So in the words of the immortal Casey Kasem, it's "On with the Countdown"….


1) Florida St. 8-0. We proclaim thee, the best in all the land. Though we don't know if the BCS computers are going to agree with us. Really, Miami was the main, potential land-mine, and a date at toothless Florida suddenly doesn't seem so scary. This Week: at Wake Forest. Our Pick: FSU 51, Wake 13

2) Oregon 8-0. Time to find out how tough the Ducks really are. A roadie to Palo Alto. The only team to slow the Quack was UCLA, last week. And they still allowed Oregon 42 points. Marcus Mariota, he's accounted for 29 TD's this season…with 4 games left. This Week: at Stanford. Our Pick: Oregon 38, Stanford 23 (Disregard last weeks early pick)

3) Alabama 8-0. Why do we rank Alabama #3? Because SEC folks, outside Texas A&M, they've not played anyone worth a crap. Nobody. Go ahead, argue this point.

This Week: vs. LSU. Our Pick: Alabama 37, LSU 27

4) Baylor 7-0. Yes America, we are on the Baylor Bandwagon. #4 in all the land. 63 points per game. Flying high. Slowing down for no-one. Until now. If Thursday's game were in Norman, we'd pick the upset. It isn't. This Week: vs. Oklahoma. Our Pick: Baylor 43, Oklahoma 28

5) Ohio St. 9-0. Yes, yes, yes Buckeyes, we know you don't get enough love…or something like that. 9-0, winning by 31 points a game. But you play in the REALLY crappy Big 10. Which is barely a notch above the AAC. Yeah, we said it. This Week: BYE

6) Stanford 7-1. Early on, this was our sort-of dark horse pick to win it all. We'll back off that prediction now, though they are certainly formidable (big word HA!). The Tree has been good, not great and to not be pooped on by the Ducks, they'll need to be great. This Week: SEE #2

7) Missouri 8-1. Welcome back Mizzou. Thankfully the hangover of choking away the South Carolina game didn't carry over. Your fate is now in your hands. The schedule is not difficult from this point forward. Beat the Johnny Football's at the end of the month, you get to go to Atlanta. Period. And face Alabama. Your welcome. This Week: at Kentucky. Our Pick: Mizzou 37, Kentucky 6 (2 3-pt FG's)

8) Oklahoma 7-1. No, the Sooners haven't been dominant. But they've gotten better every week. Still can't explain getting manhandled by Texas, but there's still time to make up for it. Though you'll need to be sharp this week. This Week: SEE #4

9) Clemson 7-1. Looks like the Tigers have regained their mojo, at least a little bit. Though they'll need a lot of help to get to the ACC title game. Otherwise, can you say "Chick-Fil-A"? This Week: BYE

10) Auburn 8-1. We don't buy into these guys as much as the national computers do, though we love the job Gus Malzahn has done. Explain again how Gene Chizik coached here last season….Tighten up the "D" and you are looking at a title contender. Of course keep winning and beat 'Bama…and you are definitely a contender. This Week: at Tennessee. Our Pick: Vols 31, Auburn 30 UPSET

11) Fresno St 8-0. Woo hoo! Undee-freakin-feated….Derek Carr is a fantastic QB and the Bulldogs are worth watching ifyou've got some time. Too bad they play on Pacific time, so a lot of you don't get to see them. Too bad. This Week: at Wyoming. Our Pick: Fresno 37, Wyoming 31

12) Northern Illinois 9-0. Is this a Top 5 team? No. Is this a Top 10 team? Maybe. Is this a team you should be watching? Absolutely. Jordan Lynch is a B.A.M.F (look it up). 31 TD's and counting on the season. A poor man's Marcus Mariota. The Huskies face their toughest test of the season, this week. This Week: vs. Ball St. Our Pick: NIU 43, Ball St. 33


5) UConn 0-7. You know who you are…

You are a REALLY crappy football team…nothing else needs to be said. Prove us wrong. This Week: vs. Louisville. Our Pick: Louisville 58, UConn 10

4) Eastern Michigan 1-8. Yeah…about that whole defense thing. You have to stop the other team from scoring in order to win. They did tell you guys that….didn't they? This Week: vs. W. Michigan. Final Score: oofff…do we have to? Tie Score 45 all…

3) Ga. State 0-9. Sorry guys. Guess you picked a bad year to jump to FBS. Or maybe not? You weren't too good in FCS if we remember correctly. Eh…either way. Congrats on becoming a big schools practice squad. This Week: BYE (at least they won't lose)

2) Miami (OH) 0-9. We're guessing the RedHawks can't wait for the season to end. It's been a rough year. No wins, your top 2 RB's haven't scored a TD. You are at the bottom of the MAC. Unfortunately, you don't play E. Michigan though. So you won't win this year. This Week: at Kent St. (Nov.13), Our Pick: Kent St. 21, Miami 13

1) Southern Miss. 0-9. Oh, the agony of it all. Going on 2 straight seasons with no wins. Oh, the agony. And unfortunately, no end in sight. A lot of things need to change before that will happen. Yeah, just not seeing any bright side here. This Week: at La. Tech. Our Pick: La.Tech 37, S.Miss 10

'Nuff said….

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