Wednesday, September 3, 2014

CFB: The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Return of the King

It's been so long since our annual College Football weekly column that we almost forgot to write it. And no doubt you would all have shed a tear and uttered a collective "Hey, where's about College Football"?

Or maybe you wouldn't...

It's been a somewhat quiet, albeit tumultuous off season that saw the Death of The BCS and rise of the Five....

Or was that the Fantastic Four?

Eh, whatever...

We don't believe in preseason polls, they are pointless, so we didn't do one. But we are giving you are impressions and our list of the Top 12 and Bottom 5 teams in College Football as WE see them.

It isn't who the pollsters see, because as we all know, it's a popularity contest. (Another column for another day). So, without killing ourselves...

We give you the Dirty Dozen and the Bottom of the Barrel....


1) Florida St. 1-0. Yeah, sure. As a legendary man of men, speaker of speakers (public that is...) once said...

Tell 'em Naitch. Right now nobody has beaten the 'Noles, winners of their last 13 or so games. And unless Famous Jameis does something stupid again, they may not lose. This week they play a Clemson team that Georgia humiliated on Saturday night. Ruh roh. (Our Pick: FSU 43, Citadel 10)

2) Georgia 1-0. Is it too early to give Todd Gurley the Heisman? Does one game make a season? No, of course it doesn't. And the Bulldogs are perennial masters of shooting themselves in the foot. But will it happen this year? (This Week: BYE)

3) Oklahoma 1-0. Big game Bob has been badmouthing the SEC for 2-years now. And couldn't exactly back it up. Until maybe now. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt because he has the best team in the Big 9. For now. (This Week: at Tulsa. Our Pick: The Stoops 43, Tulsa 20)

4. Texas A and M 1-0. So, anyone doubt Kevin Sumlin now? While Johnny Football was a pretty good college QB, it's pretty obvious the Aggies success the last 2-years wasn't all him. Somehow, they've just rebuilt in College Station. This could be interesting. (This Week: vs. Lamar? Really?--sigh---Our Pick: Aggies 52, Lamar 10)

5. Alabama 1-0. It's amazing to us how many have already written off the fighting Saban's after just one week. Sure, he's teamed up with our pal Coach Kiffykins, but come on man...they're still 'Bama.

Yeah...we went there. (This Week: vs. Florida Atlantic. Seriously. FAU. Our Pick: Bama 112, FAU 3)

6.  Oregon 1-0. Yes, the perennial underachieving Ducks. If it plays like a duck, looks like a duck and loses late in the season after being highly rated, then yeah, it's probably Oregon. (This Week: vs. Michigan St. Oooh. A good game. Our Pick: Oregon 33, Mich St 27)

7. Auburn 1-0. No brother Jon, I'm not putting these guys in the top 3. I'm not by god, it's my column! Yeah, sure, we know. They are really good. Nobody can slow them down. And the defense is improving. And Gus is a pretty good coach. Talk to us when we are later in the season. (This Week: vs. San Jose St. Huh? Our Pick: Auburn 58, SJS 10)

8. Michigan St. 1-0. If only they didn't play in the Big 10. And as we all know, the Big 10 loses to the fast schools, pretty much all the time. Someday they'll get the hint, but probably not til Grand Poobah Delany retires. Anyway. (This Week: See #6)

9. Stanford 1-0. Yeah, another team that loses in the clutch. They play more like a Big 10 team only they aren't. And yes, they too have a very good coach. This week, we'll find out just how good they are. (This Week vs. USC. Our Pick: Stanford 31, USC 30)

10. UCLA 1-0. So, our pal JL Mora Jr seems to have found his home in Westwood. And he's done a great job reviving the Bruins. We always thought he'd be a good college coach. Good for him. Now he just needs Brett Hundley and co. to realize the season started LAST week. (This Week: vs. Memphis. Our Pick: UCLA 47, Memphis 23)

11. LSU 1-0. Have a great day! And enjoy Les Miles, still one of CFB's best interviews. He's got a pretty good, albeit young team too. And deep. They've been decent, but not great the past 2 years. That's going to continue. (This Week: vs. Sam Houston. Uh..ok. Our Pick: LSU 37, SHS 10)

12. Baylor 1-0. The Bears get the nod because of Bryce Petty. And we say that in spite of Petty trying his best to hurt himself in a game his team already had in hand. But they'll score a lot, scare some people and lose when pushed. It's what they do. (This Week: vs. Northwestern St.--sigh--Our Pick: Baylor 100, NWSt. 3)

Keep in mind good reader, we don't pick the spread, just the score. Or more precisely, who wins....and who doesn't. And we're pretty good at it as evidenced by last years 156-27 record.

Top that bitches!!


5. Florida Atlantic 0-1. Gosh, they could have had the Pelini bowl to start the season if only Carl hadn't gotten fired last yr. for drugs...and general suckitude. It's tough living life as a directional Florida School. These guys should be better. But aren't. (This week: vs. Alabama. Our Pick; See above)

4. Florida International 0-1. Another crappy directional Florida school who has been in the toilet since inexplicably firing Mario Cristobal. And now they've picked a fight with the Miami Herald over their beat writer. We are betting on the beat writer to win. (This Week: vs. Wagner. Our Pick: Wagner 17, FIU 13)

3. UMass 0-1. They've been on our list for going on 3-seasons. And no sign of that changing soon. They have a QB named Fronhapel so they can't be all bad, right? Ha! (This Week vs. Colorado. Our Pick: Colorado 10, UMass 7)

2. Troy 0-1. Yes, Troy. A once proud Sun Belt team that's fallen on hard times. Wait, that sounds familiar. They got smoked by UAB last week. Yes, former Barrel team UAB. (This Week: vs. Duke. Our Pick: Duke 37, Troy 13)

1. Miami (OH) 0-1. The Redhawks are back. Oh yes they are. And they are badder than ever. Armed with a new coach, they hope to shake the MAC curse and lift themselves up...and out of the barrel. Good luck boys, you'll need it. (This Week: vs. E.Kentucky. Our Pick: Miami 31, EKY 17)

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