The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of The Barrel: Bad Creatures

Eh. How's this for a theme week?



How can you lose? A horrible looking movie starring Debbie Gibson and Tiffany?



Cheesiest stuff ever:



Bwahahahaha!

With this much cheese, how could a college football season ever go on? Especially when it's all but pre-ordained that Alabama is going to win it all again. They finally broke a sweat last week vs. LSU, but then made it look easy driving for the late TD.

Sure, Oregon has put up Video Game numbers but we don't buy the "They Play Defense Too" thing until they play someone good outside the "HIGHLY OVER-RATED" Pac-12.

SHARKTOPUS!



Anyway...

Last Week: 14-0. That's more like it. Though thankfully, we don't pick the Spread. For the season--101-22, much more impressive.

But enough about us: Quoting Dozen favorite Casey Kasem, it's "On With The Countdown"....

THE DIRTY DOZEN:

1) Alabama 9-0. Can anyone beat these guys? Uh...not likely. And no, Johnny Football isn't going to do it either. Saban's monsters just plain overpower everyone. Sure, they struggled to contain LSU, but LSU played their best game of the season, by far. (This Week: vs. Texas A&M. Our Pick: Alabama 31, Texas A&M 21)

2) Oregon 8-0. Ladies and gentlemen, your highest scoring team in College Football. But is it more the piss-poor PAC-12 defenses or is it them? Kenjon Barner had the game of his life vs. USC. The only stunner is the corrupt BCS has them at #3. Lunacy I tell you! (This Week: at Cal. Our Pick: Oregon 54, Cal. 23)

3) Kansas St. 9-0. This is where we find out what they've got. If Collin Klein can't go, then what happens? They've had to be on the past 3 weeks and that won't stop til the season is over. One let-down and it's over. (This Week: at TCU. Our Pick: K-State 31, TCU 27)

4) Georgia 8-1. They were a bit sleepy in the first half vs. a decent Ole Miss team. The second half was total domination. Assuming they don't go back to sleep, they have a date ahead with Alabama. And have a punchers chance there. (This Week: at Auburn. Our Pick: Georgia 43, Auburn 17)

5) Notre Dame 9-0. They should have lost to Pitt. No question about it. We think they are pretty good, but not an "Elite" team. And because they are Notre Dame, if they win out, which they may...they'll be in the BCS Championship game.--sorry Oregon. (This Week: at Boston College. Notre Dame 24, Boston College 3)

6) Ohio State 10-0. Ha! Big F.U to the NCAA here. But even though they haven't lost, they've beaten up on the Big 10, which is AWFUL this year. They don't beat any of the teams ahead of them here other than maybe Notre Dame. (This Week: BYE)

7) Louisville 9-0. Teddy Bridgewater. Best QB none of you have ever heard of. Charlie Strong, best coach. They get to move up because they are still undefeated. Though playing in the wretched Big East is not helping them with everyone else. (This Week: at Syracuse. Our Pick: Louisville 38, Syracuse 21)

8) LSU 7-2. Yes, they got beat last week. But by far, that was the best they've played. The offense wasn't embarrassing and that is a big step. If Zach Mettenberger can continue to improve, they'll be fine. But now, they are just playing for Bowl Game positioning. (This Week: vs Miss. St. Our Pick: LSU 27, Miss. St. 17)

9) Florida 8-1. We'd like to place them higher, but the offense just isn't good. At all. They are lacking in so many places on offense we don't have time to list them. But the "D" is impressive and makes them one of the best teams in the land. (This Week: vs. La. Lafayette. Our Pick: UF 27, La. Laf 12--sorry Lovely Bride)

10) Florida St. 8-1. We still can't figure out how they lost to NC State. Yet they did. Aside from that and the Clemson game, nobody in the ACC has made them sweat. Nor will they. (This Week: at Va. Tech. Our Pick: FSU 37, Va.Tech 23)

11) South Carolina 7-2. God bless Steve Spurrier. Okay, well, maybe not. Maybe one day people will explain to him he isn't omniscient, but then he'd run away and hide. But we digress. The season nears an end and they only have one challenge left. And leave it to the 'ol Ball Coach, he's mouthing off about it already. He may regret that. (This Week: vs. Arkansas. Our Pick: S.Carolina 31, Ark. 10)

12) Oregon St. 7-1. We're going to continue to believe in these guys. They may prove us wrong, but so be it. They have been pretty good and are probably the best of the remaining one loss teams. So they get to stay--for now. (This Week: at Stanford. Our Pick: Oregon St. 24, Stanford 17)

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:

5) Colorado 1-8. It was fun while it lasted wasn't it Jon Embree. As a head coach, you were a good assistant. Your team is horrible. And that doesn't begin to describe it. Geez, you are giving up 46 points a game. Really? But at least you are scoring. Oh wait, you score 16 a game. Pffffft. (This Week: at Arizona. Our Pick: Arizona 46, Colorado 16)

4) New Mexico St. 1-8. So...you gave up 42 to Auburn, one of the worst offensive teams in NCAA history. Yeah. That's great. Sure, we didn't think you'd beat an SEC team, but Auburn is barely on the SEC radar this season. ---sigh--- (This Week: vs. San Jose St. Our Pick: San Jose St. 40, New Mexico St. 13)

3) Idaho 1-8. Yeah, we know, they beat NM State. But...they got rid of the starting QB and head coach in successive weeks. And really, aside from the win, they've only had one other close game. Don't expect that to change. (This Week: at BYU. Our Pick: BYU 42, Idaho 3)

2) Southern Miss. 0-9. They get elevated because they kept it close vs. UAB. Uh...wait. UAB only had one win before this too? Damn! So are you saying they still suck? Well, yes, we do say that. And so does pretty much everyone else. (This Week: at SMU. Our Pick: SMU 41, Southern Miss 4--hear that Brett Favre?)

1) UMass 0-9. Mercifully, season one in "Big Boy" football is almost over. And it is a good thing. Sadly, they are back to being the lowest scoring team in the NCAA again. In theory, they should have a chance this week. But we are betting they mess it up. (This Week: at Akron. Our Pick: Akron 10, UMass 9)

And so it goes for another week. 3 More left before Championship Saturday and then a month off before the only bowl games that matter are played. We have a pretty good idea now how it will play. It's just a matter of who slips up.

We give you one Final "BAD CREATURE" movie, possibly the Cheesiest of them all! (Starring Debbie Gibson too!!!!!)