Only in the world of College Football is it Headline News when Alabama coach Nick Saban says: "There's too much scoring".
And while as a coach, he's probably not wrong, from a fan and TV viewers perspective...he's certifiably insane.
Okay, even without saying that...he's still insane.
Crap...I hope the state of Alabama doesn't attempt to blow up the palatial OSG HQ digs for that one.
Anyway, in lieu of the defenseless teams in College Football, we continue our march to the top of College Football prognostications. (And yes, we know how to use big words...you've been warned)
In this week's clip, since the Game of the Week as decreed by ESPN is Georgia at South Carolina, we give you a clip that expresses South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier's thoughts on local newspaper columnist Ron Morris. Unfortunately, Spurrier also thinks Stephen Garcia was the best QB in NFL history. (So...Spurrier is a bit delusional---damn, I guess I won't get to cover S.Carolina football now).
Anyway, fortifying our claim as a great prognosticator--Last Week: 10-1, Overall: 47-7. Holla!
The Dirty Dozen:
1) Alabama 5-0. So the Tide struggled...sort of vs. Ole Miss. And Saban insists the team isn't as good as we think. We don't totally disagree, but who better than Kanyon. Oh...sorry, old wrestling reference. Good thing the Tide is off so they can lick their wounds. Ha!. (This Week: BYE)
2) Florida State 5-0. Yeah, so they didn't put pinball numbers up against South Florida. But they won. And outside the season ender vs. Florida, they aren't going to pushed real hard. Ok...maybe at Va. Tech. On second thought....(This Week: at NC State. Our Pick: FSU 37, NC State 21)
3) Oregon 5-0. So. ESPN says DeAnthony Thomas is the fastest guy in football. Maybe so, but there are 10-15 guys on SEC teams nearly as fast. Still, they are the best of the "Track Meet" teams...or to be more specific, "Teams Nick Saban Hates". (This Week: vs. Washington. Our Pick: Oregon 43, Washington 26)
4) LSU 5-0. What happened to these guys? Does Lester really hate offense? Is Zach Mettenberger really Jordan Jefferson? We thought more of this team. We were wrong. (Don't tell anyone). The next few weeks are not going to be fun unless something changes here. (This Week: at Florida. Our Pick: LSU 17, Florida 16)
5) Georgia 5-0. We covered these guys for 10-years and still can't figure them out. But then again, they have the same issue their ownselves. How funny would it be if Mark Richt wore a Ron Morris mask during the game? (This Week: at South Carolina. Our Pick: Georgia 20, S.Carolina 19)
6) S.Carolina 5-0. So...Steve Spurrier is paranoid and has a thin skin. I'm shocked. We wish our friends in the South Carolina media luck, because if they lose, they won't be able to ask Spurrier about it. Or maybe they will, just to see if his head explodes. But seriously, Spurrier is taking the attention away from his team, which is pretty good on their own. (This Week: vs. Georgia. Our Pick: See #5)
7) West Virginia 4-0. Okay. So the Mountaineers aren't going to be NCAA Champs. Unless you are playing video games. But they are fun to watch. And Geno Smith is good. Really good. Even if Nick Saban thinks they are pure evil and ruining his game--ok Alabama, I made that up. (This Week: at Texas. Our Pick: W.Virginia 41, Texas 31)
8) Florida 4-0. Welcome back Gator fans. Please enjoy your stay, because it isn't going to last. But props to Coach Boom for making progress in G-Ville. They haven't dominated anyone--no, Kentucky doesn't count. And the schedule gets a LOT harder now. (This Week: vs. LSU. Our Pick: See #4)
9) Kansas St. 4-0. All they do is win. Well, as long as Bill Snyder is the head coach anyway. No, they aren't a "Dominant team", but no such thing exists in the Big 12/10. And Collin Klein wins pretty well too. (This Week: vs. Kansas. Our Pick: K-State 36, Kansas 17)
10) Notre Dame 4-0. Ok Notre Dame fans. We tip our hats. You are 4-0 right now. You've beaten 2 overrated Big 10/12 teams. And beaten them convincingly. Plus we like Manti Te'o. He's really good. Brian Kelly...not so much. (This Week: vs. Miami. Our Pick: Notre Dame 27, Miami 23)
11) Oregon State 3-0. Congratulations Beaver fans, you've made it on our list. Sean Mannion is a pretty good QB and you've handled everyone that you've had to. You'll win the rescheduled game vs. Nicholls St. too. And that will get you to a bowl. But...it's been smoke and mirrors. Much like Dracula, you can't actually see yourself in a mirror. Ooooohhhh. Burn....( This Week: vs. Washington St. Our Pick: Oregon St. 53, Wash. St. 37)
12) TCU 4-0. Yes...TCU. They could win the Big 12. Seriously. They could. Casey Paschall gets better every week (*note--he got pulled over for DUI Wednesday--we take back what we said) and so does the defense. Gary Patterson is the best coach nobody outside the business knows. (This Week: vs. Iowa St. Our Pick: TCU 24, Iowa St. 14)
The Bottom of the Barrel:
5) Tulane 0-4. Hello Green Wave fans. How's the season been going so far? What? You've only scored 32 points....all season? And given up 173? Really? But you play in Conference USA. Oh wait, Memphis does too? Never mind. (This Week: vs. La. Lafayette. Our Pick: La. Lafayette 47, Tulane 8)
4) Southern Miss. 0-4. Note to Ellis Johnson. Sometimes good assistants don't make good head coaches. Geez, this was a good team as recently as last year. Weren't they? Oh wait! They play in Conference USA too. Well, that explains everything. With Brett Favre coaching HS Football is it only a matter of time before he takes over the alma mater. (You heard it here 1st!). (This Week: vs. Boise St. Our Pick: Boise State 37, S. Miss 21)
3) Idaho 0-5. Sometimes bad puns are too easy. So we'll try not to make any here. But hey, look at it this way, they only gave up 66 to North Carolina last week and they don't play them again. So there's that. (This Week: vs. New Mexico St. Our Pick: NM State 3, Idaho 2)
2) Memphis 0-4. So...they didn't lose this week, which will keep them out of the #1 position. What's that? They didn't play? Oh...come on, everyone beats BYE week, don't they? Oh...wait, they play in Conference USA, CFB's worst conference, right? (This Week: vs. Rice. Our Pick: Rice 21, Memphis 17)
1) UMass 0-5. Lookie here. They almost beat Ohio. And doubled their total point output for the year. Good for them. It still doesn't get them out of the basement though. At least not yet. And thank the football gods they play in the MAC. And are the only MAC team here. (This Week: at W.Michigan. Our Pick: W.Michigan 31, UMass 21)
So, things are getting fun now. Enjoy your week, there are far more fun games to watch now that the cupcake season is over.
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